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Limited Struggling Human Being

by Cassilis

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1.
Measure it out and judge it It might be a stain, so fuck it Let me shrink in this cave 'cause I can’t stay awake Jealous at the world as these lights flicker strange Folded up or folded out Hang it up or let it drown Lint lined and empty inside Paranoia smiles wide Brain cells slither wild all melted out Got this cycle spinning out all these doubts Dampness reeks for days Doze to sounds of blame Feeling light in the skull as heat radiates Folded up or folded out Bleach stains away with the brain Lint lined and empty inside Bleach stains away with the brain
2.
I'm getting stoned this winter solstice Not sorry for the things I do at home or in public Blame the dog, bark at the sun Try to smile more or less, man Should I smile more or less, man? I'll try to smile, more or less, and move on Am I thinking? what am I saying? I can’t hear it I notice everything around Every feeling felt. Every breath I count I'm up in smoke this winter solstice Am I thinking? I can't hear it Am I thinking? What am I saying? I can’t hear it
3.
A disease in the breeze. Lost the skin off my knees. But I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. Eyelids cramp with a strain. Feel the breath on the brain. Minds a minute away. Lost my attention. Stubbed my toe in the haze. Let the brain contemplate. Watch it blacken and fade. I’m swollen with it. I am so irritated. Crooked posture and slack. Got aches in the back. Leave me alone, you know I like it. There’s stench from downstairs. Something rotting down there. Not ashamed so I’ll deal with it. Feel a chill in the house. I found a hair in my mouth. Can’t get it out and I keep spittin’. I am so irritated. Maybe I'm a loser, Like I lost my spirit. Whys this planet so fucking irritating?
4.
So here I am. All thoughts are toxic. Like dampness sticks to a wall. Life is stale, therefore I'm stale. Stuck inside, home alone. I am just growing mold. Smell that sour? I think I’m dying. My insides ain’t staying gold. Liver shakes, eyes radiate. Not asleep, but still as stone. I am just growing mold. Here I sit. Still as the fucking moon. Empty, silent and cold like doom. All I crave. All I crave. All I crave is peace, Clear eyes, and thirst for youth. I am just growing mold.
5.
Snooze 01:23
I need something for my thoughts. Just a little dust inhaled to lungs. This crevasse has sucked me up. Push the brain to hate the sun. Maybe I’ll just go to sleep and dream of needs. Do you feel alive or sense the rejection from plants and planets? Do you notice the outside world.
6.
Spaced out in a few inches again. I’m lost in my head. I’m lost in my head. The milky water is down. Draining down and out. I'm feeling down and out. Lost in my head again. Don’t call me out. Don't call me. Don't disrupt me. I'm all lathered. Every drop blooms hydrangea skin These eyes roll around. Eyelids pulled straight down Wrinkled fingers and feet. Soaking eternally Focus while I breath. Eyelids pulled straight down Don't call me out. Don't call me. Don't disrupt me. I'm all lathered. Don’t disrupt me. I’m all lathered. You’ve got me bothered with scents of flowers. Spaced out in a few inches again. Lost in my head. I’m lost in my head. The milky water is down. Draining down and out. I'm feeling down and out. Lost in my head again. I am all lathered. I am all lathered. I am all lathered. I am all lathered. I am all lathered. I am all lathered. I am all lathered. I am all lathered.

credits

released April 7, 2018

Recorded by Evan Bernard and Chris Baglivo
Mastered by Ryan Schwabe

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Cassilis Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Total bullshit, mid-30's white collar angst.

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